If he can't pay the price, he better leave my daughter. This is a common statement on the lips of average parents (mid-class). When expecting the suitor for their cherished daughter to succumb to their abnormal demands for her price and the mammoth list. Understandably, this is not found or rarely found among families of better economical and financial status but very common among low or middle-class families. Ideally, a high class family will have no issues succumbing to the demands of an equally high class family for the price of their daughter. The question is why do the low or mid-class families make things hard for themselves?
Low and mid-class families see this aspect of a marriage as a big avenue to recover all they have expended on their daughter at once. They believe once they fail to this, the opportunity is gone. These families do this against the will and the happiness of their daughter because she won't want to lose the love of her heart at such a stage. It's even more worrisome when there's to be an inter-tribe marriage. I could recall when I got to Abia State, Obingwa Local Government for my National Youth Service, there was a shop where I normally make photocopies of my clearance form anytime we are to do our monthly clearance. Then on a particular day, I went to this shop to charge my phone, I decided to sit and while away some time when an elderly man came in. He informed the lady in the shop that he wanted to type and print some informations(although I didn't understand but he brought out an exercise book). The lady then started typing and you need to see these demands. I'm sure that is for a suitor of the same state and tribe and that will give you an idea of how the list and demands will look like if it were to be a different tribe. Nigeria, are we one?
After doing and committing so much for a lady to believe He loves her genuinely, man will still at the same time try to convince the in-laws about his financial status. Tipping them almost every time he goes to visit them with his wife-to-be even if it means to borrow to please them because he doesn't want to lose this beautiful and God-sent woman in his life. The better he gives to his in-laws, the more assured they are about his financial status. It's pathetic, man is a gender and not a financial status.
Eventually, the wedding was done and the marriage was held. Parents, friends and well wishers have done their part and it's left to the couple to start their life. The man in trying to be up to the demand of his in-laws had went to the extreme in providing their demands. He borrowed from friends, he took loan at where he works and even from Bank. Think of a case where the company he works with had the need to reduce their work force by stopping some staffs and unfortunately our newly wedded man happens to be among them. Now, tell me how will this new home survive this state, the man suffers emotionally, he needs to pay loans, return the borrowed money and provide for his wife.
Frustration starts creeping in and he starts to transfer aggression, for a man to have been in an healthy financial position and suddenly to struggling with his financial life, you will all agree with me it's a life-threatening situation. This demands lot of patience on the side of the woman, she's aware of her husband's plight and she would want to be the last problem he will be facing. Money realized as gifts from friends and families prior to the marriage has been used for settling debts and the limited one available have been used to stock the rented apartment with food for the mean time. A new home tries to survive instead of flourishing.
With things unyielding, the memories of how his in-laws had treated him plays in his head, he after fighting this defeat for a long time finally gives in. He starts to react to things he over look from his wife at home, he raises his voice. His wife becomes less important as each day passes, she's afraid to approach the love of her life because she knows it's either she gets shouted at or ignored. On the other hand, some women will stand up to their man and try to make their stand, there's nothing that provokes a broken man than this. Here, domestic violence begins which can lead to homicide as we have series of reported cases of this scenarios.
It's so rampant among young couples. The parents are were they are relaxed not knowing the type of hell their precious daughter has been going through. I'm laying much emphasis on the low and mid-class families because if the high class families can't help us, we should help ourselves. It's not a crime to marry from an equally mid-class family, parents should not see it as an avenue for money making. Marriage should be a thing of happiness not a business opportunity.
The bride price should be named considerately, the list should not be unbearable because anything other than this is a bribe.
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